Constitutional Savings!!
Your RIGHT to Save Thirty Cents
08-31-04
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There's a disturbing new trend going on now in most of the grocery stores around the U.S. (at least). As I’m perusing down the aisle trying to not to stare at some cute Brittish girl further down, I turn to the pen section (I love pens) and browse. Pens are not something that should be taken lightly. If you really intend to use one to its full extent, then you just have to pick one that you know will last, and one that fits your personality. Sometimes it’s good to have a pen that opposes your outward personality just to contradict. For instance if I (being a huge tall scary white guy) use a purple pen with a cute little tassel at the end, random people might not be scared of me and just question my sanity instead of run screaming. Anywho, jogging on- I found this really cool pen with an acceptable grip and a ballpoint (the only real way to go). The price listed on the shelf was $3.99. I decided that this was an acceptable price and picked it up, then noticed that there was a sale price for only $2.50. In my days of jobless college a buck and a half can mean a fun night instead of a sober one (trust me). So I was looking forward to saving the bit of dinero. As I proceeded throughout the store I saw many items I needed from rubber gloves to a nice shiny shovel. They even had kerosene! At the counter I set my goods onto the conveyer belt. As my wonderful find of a pen rung up, it said $3.99. I chose to question this, and was soon informed that the sale price was only for card-carrying members of the club of this store. *ahem* WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!? Why on earth do I need to give you an entire damn sheet of information on myself just so I can save four dollars on random crap? Who are they to ask this of me? It’s like they don’t want to give the sales to any normal schmucks who meander into the store, but instead only an elite group of members (or at least any dumbass who wants to do it). This seems to be a clear invasion or privacy. I questioned this practice and was told it was mostly for marketing research and the like. Then I realized what that meant. Not only would a faceless bastard-cog of a corporation know too much about me, but they would also know all of what I am buying. Not that I have anything to hide, I don’t need anyone keeping track of what I purchase. I don’t need an arse named Ted to view that on Thursday, July 8th, Dustin Meehan bought three cucumbers, a box of glow in the dark condoms, two containers of whipped cream and a pack of wintergreen chewing gum. Nobody need to know that (an example only….I swear….. SHUT UP). I was thinking I should test this theory or otherwise find out if they’re tracking consumers for suspicious activity. I figure I could do this by slowly purchasing all of the needed ingredients for a meth-amphetamine lab. Every other day just buy three boxes of cold medicine and some muriatic acid or acetone (don’t ask me how I know). I know the constitution and its amendments are hella-old, but certain freedoms were all guaranteed. Article IV of the amendments to the constitution states that: “The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue…” So the part the really seems to apply to this situation is the right for a person to be secure in their effects. It could be argued that this does in fact violate it by monitoring what we buy. I know that in order to use these club cards, you have to sign the sheet with your information on it and the sheet most likely says in extremely small type all of the fucked up shit they’re doing. So even if they make you sign your soul away for the measly savings, which would really hold more weight in court, the contract of some stupid grocery store or the amendments to the United States constitution? Nuff Said So to sum up, the world is against me and only those that fight the machine with me are fit to be my friends. VIVA LA RESISTANCE!!! I'm Dustin Meehan Please argue with me. |